Entwined

His breath was a whisper down her neck. It glided past the curve of her throat and lower down. She squirmed under him, writhing in absolute sin at the kind of pleasure his touch evoked in her mind. The feeling got more frenzied as his touch became more exploratory. She could barely hold back the guttural moans coming from her. It seemed like he liked doing this to her...

In that instant, Arti snapped her eyes open. There was just a hint of sweat on her skin. She couldn't believe how real this dream was. She could feel everything, from the slight cool of the fan touching her exposed skin, to Anuj's smell. Everything flashed past her as she sat on her bed, her breath coming out of her in laboured gasps. She had to get out of home and get some air. A dead man could not be giving her such a hard time dealing with reality. But, just for a second she felt like he was there next to her, holding her to him like he always did when he really needed her, like he was never going to let go.

Arti longed for the moment when Anuj would come back again. It had been like that ever since the accident. she hated that she had to be the one in critical care recovering from a series of broken bones while Anuj was pronounced DoA by the hospital. She hated knowing that when the dull pain of drug-induced recovery went away, she'd have to be at home, being nursed back to health without Anuj's deep brown eyes egging her on. She hated knowing that the fight for keeping the toothpaste tube in working order would never happen again. She agonised over the moments of tea that would turn into a sepia-tinted music video. Not a reality where Arti's early morning eyes seemed like the only thing Anuj wanted to stare at. Now, all she did was play back every memory, until the lines between reality and fiction blurred indistinguishably.

Tonight was the most vivid Anuj had been in her mind. Usually, her dreams were like the saccharine movie songs or ad jingles. Everyone involved was glowing ferociously in the light and no one ever looked bad. This was a more visceral unfolding of her mind. Arti had no idea that the thought was even there until her mind showed it to her.

She got out of bed and dressed in linen trousers and a t-shirt and went for a walk around the apartment complex . "Fuck you Anuj," she thought. "your death was supposed to be permanent. I don't want to feel like I have a hangover. I want my mind back. You had enough of it when you were alive!"

Those thoughts seemed blasphemous the instant they were out. Arti was sitting on a bench outside Block-C and ranting. She didn't realise that her love for Anuj never stopped her need to move on from whatever was bothering her. The air around her seemed to stir gently. It turned balmy. Arti thought she was in heaven. That was when she felt him. Stronger than ever. All she heard was the gut-wrenching sounds of Anuj's pain as his mangled body was removed from the car wreck on the highway. She saw it all in vivid detail again. The banter, the song they fought over playing. The quiet and perfect silence of compatibility. the blinding headlights that came straight at her without warning while Anuj fell asleep for a second by accident.

The sound of metal being crushed and bones cracking was not at all what one read or watched on TV. There was a nearness to the sounds that made them individual characters in the black night. Even moonlight seemed to have been eluding her. Anuj showed up again. This time, he sat next to her and tell her glorious tales of heaven. tales that made her want to end it all and be with him. She wanted an end to these things would stop.

(...to be contd)

Wish list

I want to watch the sunset and sunrise with you. I want to look that moment in the eye. I wnant to watch the sky change colour from black to purple to blue and back. I want a moment of perfection before we slip back into our mundanity. I want that smile on my face before I frown over a pot of masala to cook you that perfect meal. I want a moment that transcends communication. I want us back.

I want you to look at me when we turn towards home; really look at me. I want us to come back to life. I want you to hold my hand. I want proximity. I want my relationship back. I want the magic of dawn to infuse our lives with the simple pleasure of a smile. I want to hold you close, and forget the world. I want to close the distance that has become such an integral part of our relationship. I want to hold you, look in your eyes and smile again. I want you to look at me and smile again. I want us back.

Will you watch the sunset and sunrise with me?

The silent story

Sunday morning was her idyllic time. It was when tea, the newspaper, the silence they all got together and comforted her. In the weird quagmire that was her life, she needed the comfort of an unfailing routine. That was what they had become, a big fat wad of silence.

Not so long ago, there was romance and laughter. Somewhere in the conversations they had a slower enunciation happened. The rapid, non-stop syllables that were hammered out a syllable a second turned into something slower, more pronounced. Over time, they became a few words a minute. Even later, there was silence. The mother of all conversations. Now, their relationship was sealed, with a piece of paper and a host of other social specifications that was condensed in a gold pendant that she wore around her neck.

The scrape of a cup pulled her out of her reverie. She was back, immersed in the magazine section of the Sunday paper reading and being quiet.

Plagiarising

Somewhere over the rainbow,
I will find my sunshine.

Wishes, when put out
usually lead to fulfillment.

I try not to let them do that
I'll only end up wanting something new.

Paranoia only leads me to
retracting back
to spaces that may confine me
to wishes...

ahem!

Noise is pretty.

Chaos, supreme.

Movement in all this

is the peak of joy.

Tranquility

is screaming along.

Stupidity

Spent, is what one should feel

after dealing with anger.

However, if you are still fuming

like a leftover ember,

then perhaps it is time to douse

in fuel or coolant.

Art noveau :P

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